New legislation at the University of California has put a stop to any romantic shenanigans between tutors and their tutees, in an attempt to clamp down on the possibility of academic favouritism. After two years of debating, the university has decided to ban professors from dating any student that they could reasonably expect to supervise in the future. The Snail, as a diehard romantic fool, agrees with those opposing the outright ban, who argue that the love between students and their professors can lead to happiness ever after. The old romantics think that instead of the stern ban, set disclosure procedures ought to be installed that would allow enamoured academics to quietly reveal their liaisons to heads of department. But alas, the prospect of true love has not prevailed and academics caught flouting the ban can be disciplined or sacked.